One day, a well-known professor was hit by a bus and tragically killed. Her soul was ushered directly up to heaven. There she was met at the Pearly Gates by St. Peter, his hand raised up in apology.

"Uh, before you get settled in," he greeted, "it seems we have a problem. Strangely enough, a professor has never made it this far and we're not sure what to do."

"No problem," said the professor, "Just let me in!"

"Unfortunately, we have different orders," came the reply. "The Big Man on Campus wants you to have a choice. So, first you'll spend a day in Hell; then you'll spend a day in Heaven. After that, you'll have to decide where you want to spend eternity."

"Actually," the professor insisted, "I won't be needing the visits to decide. Though Hell might offere more exciting possibilities for my research, I'm sure I'd prefer Heaven!"

"Sorry, but I have orders," said St. Peter.

With that, the scholar found herself in an elevator going down-down-down to Hell. When the doors opened, she stepped into a beautiful seminar room. Down the hall was a lavishly-appointed lounge, complete with a small-but-useful reference library. Standing in front of her were many former colleagues, a veritable "Who's Who" of the intellectual world. They ran up and kissed her on both cheeks and talked about old times. Invigorating discourse ensued, with fine theoretical arguments about postmodernism and epistemology, along with an excellent steak and lobster dinner at the Faculty Club. There the visiting professor met the Devil, a rather nice guy somewhat resembling Michel Foucault.

Everyone talked and joked into the wee hours of the morning. And before she knew it, it was time for the professor to leave. Everyone shook her hand and waved good-bye as she got on the elevator and went up-up-up to the Pearly Gates.

"Now," said St. Peter, "it's time to spend a day in Heaven."

With that, the professor was ushered into a world among the clouds, playing the harp and singing with joyful voice all the day long. There was food aplenty and cherubs dancing all around. It was wonderful, so wonderful in fact that before she knew it, her 24 hours in Heaven were up.

St. Peter arrived and asked the professor for her decision.

The professor paused . "I never thought I'd say this, but though Heaven has been absolutely great, I really think I could have a better intellectual life in Hell."

So St. Peter escorted her to the elevator and again the scholar went down-down-down to Hell. But when the doors of the elevator opened she found herself in a desolate wasteland covered in garbage and filth. She saw her colleagues dressed in rags picking up garbage to eat. They barely paused in their work long enough to grumble about their troubles and disparage her research as second-rate.

When the Devil arrived, the professor cried. "I don't understand! Yesterday I was here and there was a library and a faculty club. We had lobster, talked about my research, and all seemed to have a great time together. Now all I find is this wasteland and a bunch of discontented colleagues who don't appreciate my work at all!"

The Devil grinned. "That's because yesterday we were interviewing you. Today, you're faculty."